DEWM Dies (Chapter 2)

“But I don’t want to buy a few magazines, I want the whole store.”
DEWM was inside a pornography shop.
“The whole store isn’t for sale, bby.” Wighen said.
“No, I want everything on the shelves, I don’t want the franchise.”
“That’s not what franchise means.”
“I’m gonna franchise my fist up your ass!”
“Do it!”
The two looked at each other for a moment.
“So that’ll be about 5,000 dollars.” Wighen said.
“Glad we found an agreement.”
DEWM reached for his wallet, he opened it, only to find a quarter.
”Ha! You thought I’d give you money to start your grand adventure?”Spook said.
Time froze around DEWM again.
“Oh c’mon! I don’t even have money for food.”
”That sucks. Well, bye.”
“Woah! Wait! You know that a nigga’s gotta eat, right? Just a few thousand dollars...”
”I’m not paying for your porn, you already smashed my TV.”
“Hm… OK...”
Spook looked at DEWM suspiciously. DEWM pulled out a baseball bat and smashed Spook’s pumpkin open, knocking him out. DEWM took his wallet and stole all the money in it. Time went back to normal.
“This should do.” DEWM put some of the money on the counter.

DEWM rolled up in the Pussy Wagon in a driveway, the mailbox read “Shadow Wolf”. He knocked on the door. Very loud yelling came from inside. "If this isn't the motherfucking pizza guy,” Shadow yelled, before she opened the door. “Oh... it's you. What do you wan- HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF PORN!" She yelled, noticing the abnormally large stash of porn in the back of the Pussy Wagon. Dewm had pretty high standards for what a woman looked like, and although Shadow looked like gamer girl trash, he’d still smash her. “I can make a mean motherfucking pizza. I don’t know if Papa John’s exists yet but I could kick Papa’s ass. Anyway, I have no money and my house was replaced by a McDonald’s.” Dewm said.
“You want a job? I can, like, totally give you a job. Wait, HOW DID YOU BUY THAT MUCH PORN IF YOU HAVE NO MON- Really? Fuckin’ dammit.” She sighed. “Come in, I’ve got some pizza on the way. I made some tea, I think there’s some soda in the fridge.”
“I know exactly what kind of job I’d want from you. Anyway, I won’t need a job once I complete my mission. But for now, I just need a place to stay.” Dewm said, as he entered the house, closing the door behind him. Shadow started pointing at things.
“Living room, kitchen, TV, hallway, chairs, bedroom, bathroom, any questions?” She asked.
“Where do I masturbate, and can I use you as an alternative to masturbation?”
“You can use the bathroom, otherwise, no, I’ll shove my foot up your ass.”
“That doesn’t sound far off from sex, but whatever boats your float. Nice ass by the way.” Dewm said, walking into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Where’s the booze?”
“It’s in the cabinet.”
“Warm beer? Disgusting. That’s changing, today.” He said, as he began to move any alcoholic beverages into the fridge. “I’m assuming you’re fine doing cocaine here, right?”
“Whatever, just clean it up afterwards, and don’t touch my weed.”
“Alright. And… don’t look at me when some of that weed goes missing.”
“Don’t touch it! I’ll cut your foot off. The left one.”
“I’ve got some health bonuses ready, do your worst!”
“That game doesn’t exist yet. Don’t talk about in public, people’ll think you’re crazy.”
“I wear the armor, OK? I think it’s safe enough.”
Shadow laid down on the couch. “Yeah… anyways”
Dewm cut off her sentence. “Anyways, you’re not going to think that I’m doing anything bad.” He said, as he tinted his visor so she couldn’t see where he was looking, and stared at her boobs.

Everything was black, a familiar set of blue armor shifted as whoever was in it got up. It was Marc. He was greeted by Spook2001, who’s pumpkin head was duct-taped together, because of Dewm.
“Where am I?” He asked.
”You died, you’re in hell. I would be a bit more enthusiastic if the fuckhead who was writing this book still wanted to develop my character further. Anyway, I have your punishment ready, just follow me, please.”
Spook turned away from Marc, who reacted violently, grabbing Spook, and choking him, until Spook passed out. “‘I’m dead.’ We’ll see who’s dead soon enough.” Marc said, he grabbed a TV remote off of Spook’s body and pressed a button, which opened a portal. “I’m coming for you, Dewm, just in case anyone who’s reading this still hasn’t found out I’m the bad guy.” He jumped through the portal, which abruptly closed.

At about midnight, an old German man sat on the sidewalk of HURP Ave, asking for change. Suddenly, a portal opened beside him, and out jumped Marc. The man gasped. “Excuse me, you, in the blue armor!” He yelled.
Marc turned to look at him. “What do you want?” Marc said, impatiently.
“Where did you get that remote?”
“Uh… Walmart.”
The German man shook his head. “I know where you got that, from hell.”
Marc looked at him, intrigued, yet he had an urge to blow the man’s brains out for whatever reason. “How-”
The German man interrupted him. “I was the devil, before the one with the pumpkin head overthrew me.”
“Hurry up with your damn speech.”
“The point is, I don’t like the one with the pumpkin head, and he’s friends with the one that killed you. We could work together.”
“Hm. Fine, allies are always appreciated. What’s your name?”
The German man smiled. “Forthright Overkill.”
…
“Nobody’s gonna understand that.” Marc said.
“Fuck you, I’m sure there’ll be a couple people. If they even read this shit.”