DEWM Dies (Chapter 3)

Marc and Forthright walked down the sidewalk, towards the McDonald’s that replaced Dewm’s house. “Alright, we’re here, where are they?” Marc said, as he turned to look at Forthright.
“I don’t know, I think I hear something in the alley.” Forthright said, and the two walked into the alley, where they saw Good Times sucking Senpai Sama’s dick.
“Well, they’ll have to do.” Marc said. “I can’t find any two other people who’ve been wronged by Dewm before.”
Good Times got up from his knees, whipping semen off of his mouth. “Kill yourself.”
“Alright, so, ready to hear the plan?” Forthright asked. Senpai and Good Times nodded.
“I’ve got the outfit, but I’m not removing my armor, one of you will have to do it.” Marc said, as he threw a tied up bag onto the ground in front of him. “The other will be on radio duty. Forthright has the map, and I’ll be taking the sniper. Remember, we’re not killing him yet, we need to piss him off first, we’re only shooting him if things go sour in this mission. The house he’s residing in is two blocks away, are you all ready?”
Good times nodded. “Kill yourself.” He said.
“Is that all he says?” Marc whispered to Forthright, who simply shrugged. “Alright, let’s move.”

Meanwhile, Dewm was sitting on the couch, smoking a joint, while watching a cooking show.
“And that’s the power of Copper Chef! But wait, here’s a deal for you, if you order in the next 5 minutes...”
Dewm stared straight at the woman’s abnormally large cleavage. “How good of blowjobs do you think she gives?” He said, as he turned to Magnus, who was also most definitely high.
“... I think… I can smell out of my ears.” Magnus said.
“Holy shit, you’re the next Green Lantern! Or… am I thinking about Spider-Man?”
The two rambled on, before suddenly, Good Times, dressed in a Santa outfit, fell down the chimney, the two diverted their attention to Good Times.
“Oh sweet, it’s… No wait, don’t tell me… Nicholas Cage?” Dewm said.
“I think you mean Saint Nick.” Magnus replied.
“Nah, Saint Nick was that guy who acted in The Wicker Man. Alright, Cage, what did you get me for Christmas?” Dewm asked as he turned to Good Times.
Good Times began to sweat intensely, as Dewm narrowed his eyes. “Kill yourself...” He said.
“Oh sweet I’ve always wanted-” Dewm threw up all over the inside of his helmet before he could finish, and passed out. Good Times dropped a poorly-wrapped box on top of Dewm, and walked into the kitchen. He looked around, before he suddenly spotted it, the suitcase containing the Doritos and Dew. He grabbed it, and pressed a button on his earpiece. “Kill yourself.”
Outside, Marc held a sniper rifle, looking down the sight and aiming it at Dewm, who was passed out and laying on the floor. Senpai tapped Marc’s shoulder, as he heard Good Times reporting in. Senpai pressed a button on the side of the walkie-talkie, and replied. “Have you secured the package?” He said.
“Kill yourself.”
“Good, simply walk out of the front door, and the mission will be a success.” Senpai replied.
“I’m feeling tempted to do something to Dewm...” Marc said, yet no one acknowledged his statement..
Good times walked out of the front door and made his way towards the other three. Suddenly, Dewm began to wake up, he got up and looked around. “Ugh, I threw up inside of my helmet, it smells so bad, I think I’m-” He threw up even more.
“Fuck it, I’m gonna Sniper Elite this bitch!” Marc yelled, he pulled the trigger. The bullet flew out of the barrel, and flew through the window, shattering it. It hit Dewm in the balls, but instead of piercing his flesh, the bullet was crushed upon impact and fell onto the floor. “Did someone just fondle me?” Dewm asked as he looked around, the vomit clouding his vision. Moments later, Shadow walked through the door holding groceries, and saw the broken glass, vomit, and the leftover smoke from the marijuana. “Oh my god! What the fuck?!” She yelled. Marc watched the scene from afar. “I think we should just go.” He said, as he got up and ran, his three allies behind him.

“I swear to got you touched my supply!” Dewm yelled at Shadow.
“I didn’t, you-” Shadow yelled, but Dewm interrupted her.
“The only way you can make it up to me is if you go ahead and take your clothes off and let me take it from there. I’m wearing easy-to-rip pants for the occasion.” Dewm said. “If you look closely you can see the perfect outline of my erection.” Dewm said, as he stood tall, his hands on his hips, proud of his statement. “Are you looking?”
Shadow simply looked away. “I’m not looking.”
“I highly suggest looking.”
Shadow shook her head.
“Well then, you’re missing out. I’m going to also have this boner for a few more hours so… You’re going to be looking away for a while.” He said. Shadow sighed. “Anyway, we should go looking for the Doritos and Mountain Dew. And by that I mean you. So, go ahead and go wherever you have to and, keep an eye out for the supply.” Dewm said. “I may also follow you. Especially into the bathroom.”
“So should I go, or...” Magnus said as he watched the ‘argument’.

Marc, Forthright, Good Times and Senpai all went into a secret swamp.
“This will be our base of operations, but there is one rule if you want to enter the base…” Forthright said, as he cleared his throat. “Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom!” He said dramatically, losing the German accent for that one moment, after he said that, the Legion of Doom's headquarters emerged from the swamp water. “You have to say that if you want to reveal the base. It’s the secret code.” Forthright said.
“Why not just have a keypad or something? Can’t we get sued for this?” Marc asked.
“Shut up, it was a good joke and you know it.” Forthright replied, and they entered the base. Good Times placed the suitcase on the table.
“Whatever is in this suitcase is very valuable, as Dewm had noted. It might be gold, or even… maybe something that unlocks a hidden power...” Forthright said, as he slowly opened the suitcase.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Doritos and Mountain Dew? You can get everything in this suitcase at Walmart for about 10 bucks.” Marc said.
“Kill yourself.” Good Times said, Senpai translated, “He said he’s tired.”
“Well who cares? We’re villains, we have work to do.” Marc said.
“Y’know, he has a point. I could use a nap.” Forthright said.
“All in favor of a sleeping break raise your hand.” Senpai said, he, as well as Forthright and Good Times raised their hands.
“This is the worst villain group ever.” Marc said.

Hours later, Marc kept watch as the other three slept. He went to check on the suitcase, but the Doritos and Mountain Dew was gone. “Fuck me with a DMR.” He said, as he looked around, he quickly spotted a raccoon with Dorito dust on its lips. Marc growled in anger as he reached for a pistol, but the raccoon jumped onto Marc’s face, he screamed as if scratched at his helmet. His scream woke up Forthright, who rushed into the room with a bat.
“What’s happening?!” He shouted, holding the bat, Marc turned to face him, the raccoon still on him, but the raccoon stopped scratching and looked at Forthright, it screeched, and Forthright reacted by swinging the bat at the raccoon. It jumped off of Marc at the last second, and the bat let out a loud WHAM as it hit Marc across the face, Marc fell to the floor, knocked out, as the raccoon bit Forthright on the leg. He yelled as he grabbed the raccoon and threw it in an oven, closing the door to the oven and turning it on. The raccoon jumped towards Forthright but was stopped by the door. It stopped moving after a while, and Forthright noticed that the raccoon was wearing striped pajamas. Marc woke up and walked up behind Forthright, seeing the aftermath of the scene. “That’s pretty fucked up.” Marc said.