DEWM Dies (Chapter 9)

“Holy shit… I feel a climactic conclusion coming on, c’mon guys, we’re getting the band back together!” Dewm yelled as he pointed dramatically.
“Why did you do that again? You did it in the last chapter it didn’t-” John was cut off.
“Look, they do it in TV shows all the time, I thought it would draw people in. Fuck you let’s just go.” Dewm said.
The three got in the Pussy Wagon. “Alright, so here’s a list of people I need that I have stashed away in here for some reason, first, wait hold on some people are already crossed off… Why is Billy Ray Cyrus on here?” Dewm asked.
“I think that’s the wrong list.” Seras said as she held the other list.
“Ah, yes, of course… Uh, just to let you know, I don’t plan on killing Billy Ray Cyrus, alright? This isn’t a hit list, it’s a… uh… birthday party list…?” Dewm said. “Whatever just give me the real list already.” Dewm said, snatching the other list from Seras. “Alright, first things first, Magnus.” Dewm said as he drove the Pussy Wagon out of the swamp. “OK, so why do you need a list of people that you already know off the top of your mind?” John asked.
“There’s a few special additions, one of whom we’re definitely going to need.” Dewm said. The Pussy Wagon stopped in front of Magnus’ house. Dewm jumped up to his front door and knocked, Magnus immediately answered.
“Magnus, we’re gonna need the Faggot Hunters!” Dewm yelled.
“You can’t have the faggot hunters without Bjorn, though...” Magnus said.
“Who do you think our next stop is then?” Dewm said. Magnus grabbed a pair of sunglasses and a lever-action shotgun.
“Let’s fucking do this.”
The two got back into the Pussy Wagon. “Actually the next stop is Alex, because he lives closer.” Dewm said.
“Alex, Bjorn, then who?” Seras asked.
“Nova, followed by Wighen-” Dewm was interrupted.
“UUUGGHHH, not Wiggles!” Magnus groaned.
“Dude, he’s an Elite, he’s a pussy of an Elite but still, an Elite. You don’t fuck with Elites.” Dewm said.
“He has a point...” John said. The pussy wagon halted in front of Alex’s house, and Dewm knocked on his door, Alex opened it. “Hey! I like that.” Alex said, he put a gold star on Dewm’s visor.
“You need to stop that shit.” Dewm said. “Anyway, how would you like to kill some assholes?”
“I’d like that!” Alex said.
“I guess that’s a yes, fuck it, get in the car.” Dewm said. The two got into the Pussy Wagon.
“It’s starting to get a little crowded back here.” Magnus said.
“Trust me, you’ll like the view as soon as we pick up our last guy.” Dewm said.
“So, who is our last guy?” Seras asked.
“I want to keep it a surprise, but I’ll give you a hint, he can fly.” Dewm answered. The Pussy Wagon stopped in front of Bjorn’s house, and Dewm knocked, Magnus came with him to the porch. Bjorn opened the door. “C’mon Bjorn, there’s faggots to hunt!” Dewm shouted.
Bjorn simply responded by fist-bumping Magnus, the two exploded in a flash of light, reappearing in leather jackets, sunglasses and lever-action shotguns.
“We’re the Pussy Magnet Car?” Magnus asked. The car fell from the sky next to the Pussy Wagon.
“There.” Bjorn said. The two got in their car, while Dewm jumped into the Pussy Wagon.
“Alright, now we need Nova, then Wighen, after Wighen, we get our special candidates.” Dewm said.
Bjorn rolled down the window of his car, sticking his head out from the side. “Lead the way, Magnus’ll follow!”
Dewm nodded at him and drove in front of Magnus and Bjorn, they continued until they reached Nova’s house. Dewm knocked on his door, and Nova walked out. “Ugh, what is it now?” He asked.
“Shadow’s in danger, and we need all the help we can get.” Dewm said.
“Huh. OK. But only to help a friend in need, if we go off to fucking McDonald’s and forget about her, you can count me out.” Nova replied.
“Alright, sweet, get in the back.” Dewm said.
“That sounds oddly sexual, but, OK. I will.” Nova said, as the two got back into the Pussy Wagon.
They continued onwards until they reached Wighen’s pornography shop. Dewm raced through the door, to find Wighen sleeping at the desk. “WIGHEN! Wake up!” Dewm yelled. Wighen’s head shot up from the Desk, he looked around, and saw everyone in the Pussy Wagon.
“Oooooh, are you guys going on an adventure? Can I come? Please?” Wighen asked.
“Yeah sure, just, be quiet during the drive. No one wants to hear your whining.” Dewm said.
“Aw… OK.” Wighen said, the two of them got in the Pussy Wagon.
The Pussy Wagon kept moving, until it reached an abandoned-looking building.
“What the hell do we need here?” Nova asked.
“There’s someone here that most of you haven’t seen in a long time.” Dewm said. He, along with everyone else, walked up to the front door. Dewm opened the door without knocking, inside was a man wearing ripped-up jeans and a black leather jacket, snorting Kool-Aid packets. He looked up at Dewm. “Oh, it’s you. You sonovabitch.” He said.
“This is a dire matter, Shadow is in danger. Get… ‘prepared’.” Dewm said.
“Shadow? In danger. I know what I must do.” The man jumped up from the couch, while his house looked like that of a poor man’s setup, there was a large, impenetrable vault, which he opened, and entered. He walked back out, wearing the Disco Helmet. “Let’s go save Shadow.” Cool2001 said.


The Pussy Wagon continued its journey across Google+ Island. There was one last person. “So wait, here we are, the noble knights, off to save a damsel in distress, and you’re not listening to Bonnie Tyler? Her new album just came out, too.” Cool said.
“Wait, you mean, in the first chapter when I made that joke about Bonnie Tyler, she really did release a new album?” Dewm asked.
“Yeah, let’s do this final part right.” Cool said, he stood up from the back of the Pussy Wagon, pulling out a keytar.
Cool began to play 'I Need a Hero', while the Pussy Wagon kept driving.
The Pussy Wagon stopped in front of the last house, Dewm knocked on the door, and Asmund answered. “Dewm! What do you require?” Asmund asked.
“Shadow’s in danger, and we need Paarthurnax to find where she is.” Dewm said.
“Paarthurnax? What you ask is nearly impossible. But if Shadow requires this, I will attempt to do this.” Asmund said, as he focused his power, soon, he became Paarthurnax, at the cost of destroying his house. But fuck me it’s a dragon and Bonnie Tyler is playing, how does it get any more badass?
“Alright, sweet, pick us up, and start flying around, look for a goldfish, a really edgy teenager and an old, German homeless man, those are the guys that took Shadow.” Dewm said as he got into the Pussy Wagon.
“Rinik Pruzah, I will do so.” Paarthurnax said, he picked up the two cars and began flying, scouting out the area for the described targets.