DEWM Dies (Chapter 8)

“Where the hell is Marc?” Forthright yelled.
“I think he got common sense and left. Maybe he and Dewm were having agreements before this chapter was written?” Senpai suggested.
“Kill yourself, kill yourself kill yourself?”
“Hey yeah, why don’t we make the nurse a real member? I mean, it couldn’t hurt...” Senpai said, explaining what Good Times had suggested.
“No, no let’s not do that, women are obviously inferior to men.” Forthright said.
“Jesus Christ, that’s just fucked. Check your privilege.” Senpai said.
“Oh come on, are you kidding me?! We’re the bad guys, who gives a shit if I say something sexist?” Forthright asked.
“Good Times does, he has too young of ears to hear that, he’s a goldfish thing he only lives for a year.” Senpai said.
“Alright look let’s just all agree that we hate Dewm, the only way we can stop him is if we stay in a group… other than women, they’re weak and they can’t fight.” Forthright said.
“How about we do a vote, all of you that want the nurse to join us, raise your hand.” Senpai said, as he raised his hand, followed by Good Times.
“Dammit, fine, we’ll do it.” Forthright said.
“Excellent, now, I say we should probably get a better place to stay, because who knows, Marc might say where we’re hiding out.” Senpai said.

“Oh, yeah, they live in some weird thing in the swamp.” Marc said.
“Huh, sounds filthy.” John said. “Alright, I’m gonna go tell Dewm, but first… I’ve got an idea...”

John jumped into the Pussy Wagon and started it, Dewm barged into the garage. “No! I was just going to pay the rent for that!” Dewm yelled, and John drove at full speed out of the garage. Dewm looked around frantically, when he spotted a little girl on a pink tricycle. He threw her off of it, and got on it, peddling at full speed, somehow managing to catch up to John. John looked over at Dewm. “How the hell did you catch up to me?” John asked.
“I don’t know, I have really powerful legs, I mean, I can outrun my own rockets.” Dewm said. “Anyway, can I have my car back?”
“Not yet, you brought this down on yourself.” John said, before hitting the brakes, leaving Dewm’s vision. Soon enough, John went full speed to catch back up with Dewm, the Pussy Wagon fulfilling its purpose, as tons of women were in the car with John.
“Hey! That’s my thing!” Dewm yelled. John chuckled menacingly, then Seras jumped out of the back and into John’s lap. “Hey, you’re not Dewm! Eh, strong man in green power armor, close enough.” She said.
“Goddammit.” John said.
“Yeah she really likes that character trait, strong and green power armor.” Dewm said.
“Whatever, let me take these girls back to my house, and… well, do them.” John said.
“Not if I can help it-” Dewm said, but was cut off my John.
“You’ll get your car back as soon as I park it.”
“OK I’m fine with that.” Dewm said.


Later, John walked out of his house, where Dewm was standing next to his car. “You took the keys you asshole.” Dewm said.
“I did it for a reason, I have important news for you.” John said. “Marc told me where Forthright and the others are hiding.”
“Really? Show me.” Dewm said.
“I’ll be your backseat driver, let’s get going!” John said as he got in the passenger seat of the Pussy Wagon, Dewm jumped in the driver’s seat. “Adventure!” Seras yelled as she jumped out from the back. 
“Do you live back there or something?” John asked.
“That she does.” Dewm said.


The Pussy Wagon arrived in the swamp, where the Legion of Doom was sitting in the open. A note was taped on the door, “For Sale”.
“Looks like they realized they were staying here for too long. We should investigate.” Dewm said.
“What about these tire tracks in the mud, though?” Seras asked.
“Too obvious, these are very smart villains we’re talking about.” Dewm replied.
“I think ‘very smarty’ has been your greatest overstatement.” John said.
The three entered the Legion of Doom, after looking around, they came across the beaten-up suitcase.
“Wait, this, this is the suitcase I’ve been looking for… Actually I haven’t been looking for it at all.” Dewm said, he unlocked it, only to see that there was nothing in it. “Fuck!”
“I guess they were in the mood for raccoon...” John said as he pulled out the charred up corpse of a raccoon from the oven.
“Well, that’s a lot of money thrown out the window, they just fucking ate it like it was lunch or something. Doritos and Mountain Dew are very expensive on the black market.” Dewm said.
“And it’s also a very old joke.” Seras said.
“It was funny in January, OK?” Dewm said.
“Hey, I found a note!” John said, as he walked over to the two. Dewm grabbed it and read it aloud. “To DEWM… You’re a faggot. PS, Shadow is OK, we totally did not steal her, and we did not eat the Doritos, we swear it was the raccoon. PS if you could turn the oven off that’d be cool. Love you always, Senpai Sama.”
“Well, I guess they took Shadow.” John said.
“Holy shit… I feel a climactic conclusion coming on, c’mon guys, we’re getting the band back together!” Dewm yelled as he pointed dramatically.