DEWM Dies (Chapter 10)

"Zu’u koraav niin. Prepare for battle." Paarthurnax roared as he let go of the two cars sanding them into an incomplete building site, they landed on a platform, on the other side of a wall was where Paarthurnax spotted the three targets.
“That wall’s made of bricks, how’re we gonna get through that?” John asked.
“John, think like a Spartan, how do you defeat a cowering group of grunts when you’re at the driver’s seat of a ‘hog?”
John was silent for a moment. ‘FULL SPEED AHEAD!“
Dewm smashed his foot into the pedal, sending the Pussy Wagon forwards, building up speed, before it collided with the wall, but the bricks were nearly unmoved. “Actually, now that I think about it, it might’ve been a wiser decision to just Paarthurnax destroy it.” Dewm said.
Paarthurnax landed on the platform, charging his Thu’um. ”Fus… Ro DAH!” He sent an unrelenting force of power forward as it collided with the back of the Pussy Wagon, fully pushing it through the wall, Forthright, Good Times and Senpai turned their attention to the scene. Forthright gulped.
“Good Times, you’re on your own!” Forthright said as he ran to a ladder and slid down it, with Senpai behind him.
“K-kill yourself… ?” Good Times muttered as he watched the group approach him, Paarthurnax blasted fully through the wall before he transformed back into Asmund.
“Charge!” Dewm yelled as he and the group rushed towards Good Times. Dewm grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him towards Nova, who charged up his fists and blasted him up into the air. Seras pounced at him in the air, clawing at his face, before he landed back onto the ground. Cool pulled out an electric guitar, blasting Good Times backwards with speakers at full volume, the force of the blast-back sent him into Asmund’s blade, impaling him. “Don’t worry, it’s just a flesh wound!” Asmund said, as he pointed Good Times towards Magnus and Bjorn, who unloaded their shotguns into his chest. Asmund pulled out his sword, leaving Good Times on his hands and knees. Dewm walked up to him.
“Any last words?” Dewm asked. Good Times looked up to him, narrowing his eyes.
“WHEEZE”
“Huh, I didn’t expect you to say that actually.” Dewm said, he pulled out the super shotgun, and stuffed it into Good Times’ mouth, making it rain brains.
“That was incredibly disgusting...” Nova said.
“But AWESOME!” Bjorn yelled.
“Let us move, our adversaries wish to escape the vicinity.” Asmund said, sheathing his sword.
“Good thinking, we can’t let them escape.” Dewm said, he jumped off the platform to a lower one, to the area where Forthright and Senpai were climbing down to. Everybody followed a linear path through the construction site, until they caught up with their targets, Senpai was doubled over, while Forthright had his hands on his hips, shaking his head.
“Hold on, I just need a minute...” Senpai said.
“They’re right there!” Forthright said. “Forget it, fuck you! You’re pathetic.” Forthright began darting off without Senpai, who got back up, and spotted the group. He raised his fists.
“Ah! I see you’re-” Senpai was cut off as Dewm hit him with an uppercut, sending him backwards and immediately knocking him out.
“Huh. That was pretty easy...” John said.
“He’s not dead yet.” Dewm said.
“Must he be finished?” Asmund asked.
“He’ll just start another Dewm Hate Fanclub sometime down the road, or join one at least.” Dewm said. “No, I have a much more fitting plan.” Dewm said.


Senpai woke up in a dark room, with only a chair, some rope, and his phone. He checked it to see a new text from his girlfriend, ‘I’m breaking up with you’.


“You sure that fake text is going to make him kill himself?” Wighen asked.
“He’s a total pussy. The kind of person that’d cry about online. But we sealed that room off and he doesn’t have a signal, so he doesn’t have much of a choice anyway.” Dewm said. “Anyway, let’s go get Forthright.” Dewm said. The group continued onwards.
Eventually, they reached a small room, where Forthright was searching for an exit, but there was none. “Fuck you Dewm, for countless years we have clashed for little more reason than I disliked you.” Forthright said.
“Dude you were the one that invaded Argent D’nur, you stepped on my foot before I ripped your organs out and displayed them throughout the realm!”
“What the hell are you guys talking about?” John asked.
“Me and Fourthright have been in a feud for thousands of years, it’s tricky to explain. Basically I had my own territory in hell, and he had his, but he decided his wasn’t enough, so he invaded my territory, and I called upon my knights to rip his ass apart, which we did. But then he reappeared as some old german asshole, when I returned to Earth, Magnus, some fish man and an elite helped me kill him, and then he reappeared again in hell, I mopped his ass up again and he ran out of hell, as for the rest, I’m not quite sure.”
Suddenly, the Nurse charged at Magnus, who reacted quickly and hit her.
“By the gods! That’s a women!” Asmund exclaimed.
“To be fair she was going to attack me, so...” Magnus tried to explain.
“Huh… well, uh… continuing on, your friend here, however, seems to have a significant amount of Argent Energy in her...” Forthright said, as he pointed to Shadow, who was confined in a small room surrounded by bulletproof glass.
“Hi.” Shadow said as she waved.
“It is through her I will regain my strength to defeat you, so, yeah. Just, let me use my demon powers real quick.” Forthright said as he waved his fingers around, causing them to glow red with hell energy.
“Prepare for maximum fuckage!” Dewm yelled as he grabbed a berserk pack, and swallowed it, his muscles expanded and his eyes turned red. “Rip ‘n tear! RIP ‘N TEAR!” Dewm yelled as he rushed at Forthright, grabbing him and lifting him up into the air, it didn’t take long for Dewm to rip him in half, horizontally. Forthright’s guts spilled out downwards onto Dewm, as he laughed menacingly. Forthright’s upper body continued to slowly crawl towards Shadow. His reached out his hand, which began to glow red, before he grinned, suddenly, the entire construction site erupted in flames, as a colossal demonic beast took the place of Forthright, flying off far out to the edge of the new structure the group found themselves in. The beast opened its mouth, and spoke in reverse. ”.oremoR nhoJ ,em llik tsum uoy emag eht niw oT”
Magnus’ mouth widened. “What the hell is that?” He asked.
Dewm cracked his knuckles as his berserk back wore down. “That is the Icon of Sin. We’re going to need a really Big. Fucking. Gun.”
The Icon of Sin spat out a bunch of flying cubes, which, on impact with the ground, created demons. Asmund and Seras charged at the demons, stabbing at them, while everyone other than Dewm and John fired at them, holding them off. “John, I trust you brought a Splaser with you?” Dewm asked.
“Never leave home without one.” John said as he pulled out a Spartan Laser.
“Good, focus all your firepower on that thing, if I know John Romero well, it’s that he would gladly leave a BFG lying around here.” Dewm said, as he investigated the area, tearing through demons with a Chainsaw.
After much searching, Dewm found it, the BFG9000. He grabbed it and hugged it. “It’s been too long...” Dewm reached into his pocket, and grabbed “Brutality Powder”, sprinkling it onto the BFG, making notable changes on it. The gun changed its glowing color from green to red, and Dewm met up with the rest of the group, who were still holding off the onslaught of demons. “Quickly, everyone with beam attacks, prepare to fire!” Dewm yelled, as he fired the new BFG, a red laser bursted out of the device, John fired his Spartan Laser at the beast, Nova reflected solar rays from his head to Magnus and Bjorn’s sunglasses, creating a beam firing at the beast, Wighen fired a Focus Rifle, and Cool’s helmet fired a glowing white beam at the beast. It roared in pain as the beams of power began to destroy the creature, until it exploded. The explosion turned the hellish landscape back into the construction site. Dewm lifted his fist into the air, cheering, he then broke through the glass chamber holding Shadow. “There, I saved you, another successful mission. And to be real this time, it wasn’t easy. A blowjob would be greatly appreciated.” Dewm said.
“How about this, this time I won’t punch you.” Shadow said.
“Eh, close enough.” Dewm said.
“So now what?” Wighen asked.
“There’s only one way to celebrate for a victory like this: a huge orgy!” Dewm said. Seras was the only one to agree, as everyone else shook their heads.
“With only two girls? Really?” Magnus asked.
“I’m no faggot, you guys know that well enough.” John said.
Everyone was silent.
“Well, I’m glad I had an emergency backup if this mission were to fail now.” Dewm said.
“Backup?” Asmund tilted his head.
“Yes, that backup being a FIFTY MEGATON ATOMIC BOMB!” Dewm yelled. Everybody exclaimed each in their own, unique ways, other than Alex, who simply said, “I like that.”


“And that, in a nutshell, is why Trump won the presidency.” Dewm said, in a Skype call with Eli, in the real world.
“I don’t understand why you had to tell me a whole fanfiction, but you do realize I was agreeing with you that I prefer Trump be president right?” Eli asked.
“Of course, because if you disagreed, we wouldn’t have been talking about this the whole time.” Dewm said.
“So, tell me, what happened after the bomb threat?”
“Uh, I dunno, everyone went home and did their own shit. That’s not quite the end though, I mean, you think in a world this outrageous, that the story would end in only ten chapters? There is way more to come than that.” Dewm said, winking at the reader. “Anyway, roll credits!” He exclaimed.


Credits song I guess


Dewm: DEWM NINJA, Devourer of Pizzas 
Shadow: Shadow Wolf 
Nova: Super Nova 
Seras: Seras Vyrian (Account deleted)
Magnus: Magnus 
John: John-A222 
Spook2001: DEWM NINJA, Devourer of Pizzas 
Bjorn: A Sad Astronaut Dolphin 
Asmund: Asmund The Old 
Paarthurnax: Asmund The Old 
Wighen: Dewghen 'Churja (Account deleted, alt account is Wighen 'Churol)
Alex: Alex Hildebert 
Cool: DEWM NINJA, Devourer of Pizzas 
Marc: Marc Bedragare (There’s no way I’m gonna tag him)
Forthright: Forthright Overkill (Account deleted)
Senpai: Senpai - Sama (User name has special letters, and he blocked me)
Good Times: Good Times (Unable to tag)
Sam: Spartan-Samuel Caster 
Eli: Eli Huey 

In memory of Good Times' virginity (stolen by an imaginary girlfriend).