DEWM Dies (Chapter 5)

Dewm was driving back to his house, with Seras in the passenger seat whispering naughty things into Dewm’s ear. “Stop it you robotic cocktease, I’m driving, I can’t masturbate at the same time. Why couldn’t someone put a pair of lips into you? Why are you always so happy and horny all the time?”
“I don’t know.” She said.
“That’s a problem.” Dewm said.
“Y’know what’s not a problem, what I’ll-”
“STOP!” Dewm said as he pushed the steering wheel as far left as possible, smashing the car into a street light. “... The least you could do is give me a handjob.”


Marc loaded a pistol as he watched Shadow’s house from a distance. “Let’s hope this doesn’t go as badly as last time.”
“And hope that no raccoon eats her while she’s stashed at our hideout, either.” Senpai said.
“That is, if I don’t get to her first!” Forthright said as he flicked his tongue.
“That’s, genuinely creepy, don’t do that, ever, again.” Marc said.
“Oh, but Dewm gets away with it?” Forthright said, agitated.
Suddenly, Good Time’s eye exploded, he suddenly touched his opened eye socket, and yelled “KILL YOURSEEEEELLLLFFFF!!!” before he collapsed.
Shadow aimed down the sight of a sniper rifle. “I’ve had enough of people joking about raping me!”
Forthright and Marc glanced over at the house. “Shit.” They said in unison.
Shadow fired another bullet at Good Times, who was crawling on the grass, his head bursted open as another bullet flew through it.
“Holy shit! This is not what I signed up for!” Senpai screamed, as he backed away from Good Times’ corpse.
Shadow charged her way over to the three, with a fire axe in hand. Senpai screamed like a girl as Shadow brought the axe back and let it swing through Senpai’s neck, decapitating him.
“Oh fuck, yeah now we start running!” Marc said, as he quickly turned around, but Shadow grabbed him by the throat. “You’re not going anywhere!” She said as she grabbed Marc’s balls, and ripped them off. His voice deepened as he let out a scream. Shadow pushed Marc onto the ground, as he was grasping at what was once there. Shadow then turned to Forthright. “Just make it quick...” Forthright said, Shadow pulled out a sawed-off shotgun and blasted Forthright in the stomach, he grabbed his intestines as they bursted out of his stomach. “I said make it quick you cunt!” He yelled, Shadow shoved the barrel the shotgun into Forthright’s mouth and fired off the other shell, blowing his head open. Shadow then grabbed Senpai’s head, which was still alive, gnashing its teeth, and she brought it down to meet Marc’s head, until both of their heads were bloody pulps.
“That was pretty fucking metal, Shadow!” Dewm yelled from the driveway.


Good Times, Forthright, Senpai and Marc all appeared in hell, specifically in that order. Spook2001 turned to face them. “You guys! It’s about time you died, I’ve got a space reserved just for you!” Spook said as he pulled out a pitchfork. Marc simply uppercutted him. “The guy’s a punk bitch, I mean… whatever let’s just, do this… because we can.” Marc said as he pulled out the TV remote, and opened another portal back to reality, the four jumped through, back into the HQ. The Nurse walked up to Forthright, with a needle. “There you are, you were supposed to take this hours ago!”
“Stop, fuck, you’re not my mom! Besides I died so I think my new body’s been cured. I mean, I don’t have the weird bumps on my chest anymore...”
“That uh, might’ve been something entirely different to rabies.” Marc said.
“Kill yourself.” Good Times said.
“Right yeah, he’s got a point there.” Senpai said.
“We don’t fucking understand him, why don’t you understand that?” Forthright said.
“Hey, I can teach you Killyourselfese.” Senpai said.
“No, it’s not a language because it’s only two words, and words derived from another language!” Marc said.
“Kill yourself! Kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. Kill yourself kill yourself, kill yourself kill yourself?! Kill yourself! Kill yourself kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself kill yourself. Kill... your... self!” Good Times said.
“I feel like that was supposed to be a motivational speech, but I didn’t get any of that.” Forthright said.
“He basically said Shadow’s a cunt and we should use the Nurse.” Senpai said.
“Use her for what?” Marc asked.
“Use her, to lure in Dewm.” Senpai said.


Later, Good Times sat behind a camera, recording, while the Nurse, with a bag over her head, was dressed like Shadow. Senpai and Forthright were dressed as terrorists, and were yelling in Arabic, before Forthright began to speak in English. “Dewm, we have your friend kidnapped! Come meet us at, the thing, there’s going to be a message tied to the tape explaining, OK, right, cool, but, yeah Dewm fuck you we’re gonna kill her if you don’t meet us at the place... Thing.”
Good Times ended the tape, and gave a thumbs up.
“So, now what?” Marc asked.
“Now we just, go put it on his doorstep, or something.” Senpai said.
“Great, let’s go!” Forthright said, as he grabbed the tape.
“So, where do we meet him at?” Marc asked.
“A terrorist’s favorite place to go...” Forthright said.
The four traveled to an airport, and sat, waiting for Dewm. “Y’know, I like the way there aren’t a lot of security guards.” Senpai said.
“Yeah everything was a lot easier before 9/11.” Marc said.
“Kill yourself.”


Dewm, after watching the tape, clenched his fist. “I can’t believe they stole her!” Dewm exclaimed.
Seras lifted her finger, “I think this is fake, because you can clearly see an average household’s kitchen in the background. But I could be wrong...”
“You’re absolutely wrong. But I don’t want to go to their coordinates. I smell… a trap. Either that or the woman next door is turned on right now. Can’t blame her, I was working out a few minutes ago. Either way, I’ve got a better idea than that. I know a guy...”
Shadow peaked her head into the living room from the kitchen. “Uh… what are you guys talking about?”
“Shut up Shadow we’re trying to save you.” Dewm said as he jumped up from the couch and rushed out of the door. “To the airport!” He yelled as he pointed dramatically.


Dewm arrived at the Airport, and slammed some money on the counter. “Afghanistan, both ways!” Dewm said.
Marc spotted Dewm from afar. “Wait, is that him?”
Dewm grabbed the tickets and rushed onto a plane.
“Wait where the fuck is he going!?” Marc yelled. “Go go! We need to get him!”
The four rushed towards Dewm but was stopped by an attendant. “Tickets, please.”
“Fuck!” Forthright yelled.
“Well… He’s coming back, right? Who goes one-way to Afghanistan? Let’s just wait here.” Senpai said.
“Better plan than any.” Marc said.