DEWM Dies (Chapter 7)

by DEWM NINJA Sat Dec 03, 2016 5:14 am

Dewm was sitting on Shadow’s couch watching more cooking shows, when Magnus kicked the door open holding a case of beer. “PARTY!” Wighen walked in behind Magnus, “I’m still relevant!” he yelled. Magnus looked at him in disgust.
Nova followed behind him, then John-A222 as well. “This is not a party, it’s a intervention.” John said. Seras giggled as she entered. “Lighten up, tell me, has anyone ever tapped that ass?”
“Get away from me, why do you like me so much?!” John yelled as he pushed Seras away.
Dewm looked over at the scene. “What the fuck are you guys doing here?”
“You have a sex problem, dumbass. It needs to stop.” Nova said.
“I don’t have a sex problem.” Dewm said. A woman walked out of the kitchen and kissed Dewm on the helmet, before walking out. “I don’t remember fucking her.”
Magnus sat down next to Dewm. “How tight was she?”
“Very. Trust me I think I’ve ruined that thing.” Dewm said.
Nova crossed his arms.
“Fuck, fine, you got me. Good one.” Dewm said. “But I don’t have any problems, c’mon, does it look like I’m addicted to anything?” Dewm said, as he grabbed the case of beer from Magnus, and started drinking one bottle after the other. “I’ll take your silence as a no. Now, who wants to do some cocaine?”

Hours later, Dewm was sobbing. “And then… the, the Iron Giant exploded! It was awful, I’ve never gotten over his death… HE WAS A HERO! A FUCKING HERO!”
“That was a fictional movie, the Iron Giant never existed in the first place.” Nova said.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH, I’LL KILL YOU!” Dewm yelled as he ran at Nova, who dodged out of the way and let Dewm collide with the wall.
John spoke up. “I think this was a waste of time, we’ve been sitting here listening to him crying and telling us about the plot to the Iron Giant.”
“No, wait, I have an idea. There’s someone that could get to him.” Nova said.

Nova knocked on a door, with John, Seras and Magnus behind him. The door opened, revealing Alex Hildebert. “Wow, I like that. That’s very likable.”
“Alex, we need you to speak to Dewm.” Nova said.
“Alright, yeah, cool. I like that.” Alex said.
“So, is that a yes?” Nova asked.
“It’s a like.”
“Whatever, fine, just get in the car.” John said as he walked over to the Troop Transport.
“Hey, I like that car. It’s quite likable.”
“We just opened a third can of worms, didn’t we?” Magnus asked.

The group got back to Shadow’s house, where Dewm smashed his head into a Megasphere, absorbing its power. “Dewm, there’s somebody you should meet.” John said. “Fuck, who did I get pregnant this time?” Dewm said, as he got up and looked at the door. Alex stepped in. “Wow, I like this paint, quite likable.” “Holy shit, get him away from me!” Dewm yelled. Alex walked up to him, and put a gold star sticker on his chest plate. “Fuck you, you know how many stickers I’m going to be plucking off my suit later today?” Dewm said. Alex gave him another star. “Fuck this, I’m gonna go get a beer.” Dewm said. Alex then pulled out a butter knife, and scraped a sticker off his suit. “What the hell are you doing? Ah fuck, I know what you told him to do, a gold star system? I’m not an 8-year-old so it’s not gonna work.” Dewm said. Everything was rather still. “I mean, you cried because of the Iron Giant...” Nova said. “Bitch I will put you through that fucking wall!” Dewm yelled. “Well, how about that party?” Wighen suggested. “Shut up Wighen.” Dewm said. “So, how about that party?” Magnus suggested. “Hell yeah!” Dewm said. “Sign me up.” Seras said. “Might as well.” Nova said. “I like that!” Alex shouted. “Why should I be the buzzkill? I guess I’ll join.” John said. “I suggested that though...” Wighen said to himself.

Soon enough, Shadow’s house was booming. The main group sat in a circle in the living room, talking. “So then, I stabbed Marc in the face with a knife, and cereal spilled everywhere! John was there too, and said something about them ‘not being gay’. Those two are totally gay for each other, though.” Dewm said. “We were roommates! There was absolutely nothing gay, we were two heterosexual guys who happened to live in the same house.” John said, angrily. “But Marc is still alive, probably annoying the shit out of someone. He was in that hospital, remember?” Nova said. “Marc is alive?! I have to find him! He’s probably scared, and alone!” John said. “Not implying that I would do it because I love him, or anything, I mean, I’m not gay!” John yelled. “Listen, I, actually I don’t know what the fuck I was going to say. Who wants to do Megaspheres?!” Dewm said.

Meanwhile, Marc was on the phone with Samuel Caster. “Dude, you have to come to this party, John is here, too!” Sam said. “I don’t like parties, I’d much rather sit in silence, and think...” Marc replied. “At least come check it out, I- hey what the hell?!” Sam yelled. On the phone, Dewm could be heard. “Hey faggot, no one wears the scout armor, you look like a goddamn duck!” Dewm said. Marc hung up. “Dewm…” He said. He left the Legion of Doom, and drove towards Shadow’s house.

“Master Chief is overrated and you know it!” Dewm shouted at Sam. “But at least he doesn’t wear a dumbass helmet, like yours.” He continued. Alex put a gold star on Dewm’s visor. “I’d like to see you survive Alpha Base, asshole!” Sam yelled back at Dewm, he was also awarded a gold star from Alex. Suddenly, Marc bursted through the door, and spotted Seras grabbing John, who was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. “Leave him alone!” Marc yelled. “Okay.” Seras said as she let go of John, surprisingly willing to do so. Marc rushed over to John, the two almost went in for a hug, but settled for a handshake when the remembered they were in public. “We’re not gay, right?” John asked. “No, no we are definitely not gay.” Marc said. “Fucking fags!” Dewm yelled. “Let’s go home, hm?” John suggested. “Yeah, let’s do that.” Marc said. The two walked out through the front door. “So who’s the one that gets fucked in the ass?” Wighen asked. “I’m not quite sure myself. Say, where’s Shadow?”